Analyzing a Friendship: Part 2 – Using Cold, Clinical Data to Deepen our Relationships

(These are a few posts from my tumblr about the timeline project – moving them over here so they’re all in the same place. Some of these are WIP that never P’ed.)

As noted in a previous post, the basis of a relationship is shared experiences.
That said, the more information you have about a person the more you’re able to connect with, relate to and more deeply understand them.

You’re out with a new friend. They say “Let’s go get sushi, I know a great place”. This guy might be an award-winning sushi hobbyist. He might be an impressively-experienced foodie. He might be a lifelong fisherman. He might have spent most of his life in Japan. He might be married to a Japanese woman. He might not even like fish but ‘totally loves’ california rolls.

Chances are you’ll discover many of these things about this guy over dinner. That’s what we do over dinners; we talk. Talking is great, but not the most important type of sharing experiences.

We often end up telling the same stories to new friends; there’s that one funny story about you and that girl and the boat, people always love that one.
You always end up trying not to brag about that award you won but it was the catalyst to your current situation; it always gets the same reaction, followed up by the same ignorant question followed by the same witty response that you give.
There’s always the awkward conversation about your messy divorce and you dread having to stumble through the details every time you meet someone new.

Think about the quality of the conversation; how it differs from a conversation with a sibling, with your wife, with your best friend since 5th grade.
These conversations with people you’re close to are less of a “sharing-time” show and tell, they’re often much deeper. Experiences are still shared, but they tend to be much more meaningful, much more intimate.
They know your story. You know theirs.
These are newer, richer conversations and experiences.

What would happen if you could share your story with people you meet without having to actually share your story? They read your online profile, read your history, get to know you from what is an essentially tailored journal.

 

Leave a Reply